Cope With It

Here is the whole wedding party.

Jennifer and I:

Exchanging the Vows:

The Rings:

The Families:

The Bride:

I’ll have more pictures to post once the photographer gets me the disks with the RAW formats on them but here is one from one of my guests to whet the appetite.

There is nothing like seeing the work ‘free’ on something that you need or desire in life.  No feeling like knowing that you can get something for nothing.  Now we all know that this isn’t quite true, you always get what you pay for, and sometimes the payment is not in cash.

Last night, my fiance and I were coming home from walking the trail near the local high school, when we noticed a matching couch and love-seat set sitting on the side of the road in someone’s front yard.  On both items there was a sign reading “FREE!”.  Well we’ve been going back and forth about not having enough furniture in our living room to entertain, in fact, there was not really enough for us to relax in there ourselves.  One small love-seat and an antique rocking chair.  So we circled back around the block and pulled up to look at them.  It turns out that they were a little worn, but nothing physically wrong with them.  They were comfortable and clean.  After knocking on the door and confirming with the woman who answered about them I found that they just wanted to get rid of them because they had bought a new living room set.  I thanked he and told her we would get them out of her lawn ASAP.

The payment in this case was in physical labor.  It turns out that the two items both have 2 built in recliner sections.  So they  weigh considerably more than your average piece of modern furniture.  The couch was probably about 170-200 lbs and the love seat was close to 140.  We got them into my father’s truck with some effort and got them to the house just as the rain started.  We dropped them into the garage to wait to find out what we were going to do with them.

After cleaning out the living room, moving the old love seat to the sun room, we tried to bring them in through the back door, only to find that it was too narrow.  So we ended up carrying them completely around the house in the rain to wedge them into the front door.  More heavy lifting, not fun in the rain, and it just highlighted how out of shape I have gotten since leaving the military.

Mix it with the table that Jen just refinished holding the tv and all.  Plus all of her masterful decorating.  Plus my shelves full of buddhas.  Not a bad mix at all.  Comfortable and feeling like a home.

Here is the end result, not too bad in my opinion, especially with the price tag $0.00!

I’ve always had dreams of being a musician of some sort, unfortunately I can’t read music, nor do I have the time to really work at it, and still be able to pay the bills.  So I’ve reverted to playing with ACID Music studio.  Here is one of my first attempts, let me know what you think.

Celestial Chill [ACID Planet]

This is what happens when you donate a kidney!

This week I have learned a lot about the lighter side of human nature. I’ve been spending time hanging around a hospital, namely a transplant clinic, about 200 miles from my home. I’ve learned a lot about kidney transplants, hospital management and mostly about truly unconditional love of family. It’s been quite the emotional rollercoaster. I started the ride with the woman I love more than life itself, sitting with her and our families in a pre-surgical care unit (basically a waiting room for people to get ready to go into surgery). This was the culmination of a year of being tested and poked and prodded by doctor after doctor to make sure that she was an acceptable match for one of her cousins.

He was in Iraq with the Army back in the early 1990′s for Desert Storm, and since then has lost the function in both kidneys. He’s been on dialysis for the last several years, and time was running out. Oddly enough, I went to high school with him, and had known him for about 20 years, before I ever met, or even knew about the woman I love. When I first heard of his kidney problem I was shocked, he is really such a young man. (Though don’t we always say that about those near our own age, no matter how old we really are?) But like I said, time was running out, he was on several waiting lists for kidney transplant, and his parents and sister had been ruled out as donors, so he had to wait.

The Love of My Life, being a very kind and unselfish person stepped up and said she would go through the testing to see if she could help him. She is 10 years younger than him, and just out of college. Everyone was surprised but no one was going to refuse her offer. So it all started. Bloodwork, x-rays, MRIs, paperwork, trips to the transplant clinic 200 miles away. As the months wore on, no one really expected it to work, while quietly hoping it would. After about 9 months, the phone call came: they were a match, and she was healthy enough to donate. A date was set for the surgery.

As the days counted down, the families prepared as they could. My beautiful woman became more and more scared, but also more and more resolved to help her cousin. I did everything I could to support her: held her whenever she cried from fear, listened when she needed to talk, told her what I felt and thought when she asked. It never felt as if I could give enough to balance out what she was doing, but she appreciated every bit of it. “Will you be there when I wake up?” she asked me one day. I told her that I would be there just as long as I could before surgery and as soon as I would be allowed to after, and that I would not leave here down here alone. I meant every word of it, I have come to love this woman so much over the last year, how can you not love someone who is so self-less, to give up a part of herself to give someone else a second chance at life.

Yesterday, I was the last person to speak to her as she left on the gurney for surgery. “I love you and will be waiting for you babe” were the words I said as she left. The next 5 hours were among the longest in my life. Her cousin and his family were there, getting ready for his surgery as well. Her parents were there, and my parents were present as well. Even with all these people, I still felt so alone and helpless as time wore on. I tend to be a pessimist as it is, and the uncertainty and waiting just wore heavily on my mind. Finally, the call came into the waiting room, she was out of surgery, and is going to the recovery room. The surgeon came out and spoke with us, telling us everything went incredibly well. The relief was palpable.

It was another couple of hours before she was moved from recovery to a room where we could see her; the wait was difficult, but not as bad as before. Her cousin was taken in to receive the new kidney, and finally she was being moved. We went to her room and waited outside for her to arrive. She came down the hall, her bed being wheeled along by several nurses and orderlies, looking wan and tired. Oxygen tubes, IV tubes and all hanging from her body. I was by her side as soon as they got her in place in the room, telling her that I loved her. Her parents were so happy with their little girl, and so proud of the woman that she had become. My parents told their future daughter-in-law how much they loved her, and how happy they were. Last, her Aunt and Uncle expressed their love and thanks.

I left her side only long enough to get something to eat and drink for the rest of the day. Helping her where I could, and staying out of the way of the nurses who were tending to her. A doctor came in and examined her and let us know what to expect for her recovery and treatment for the next couple of days. She had been hooked up to an on demand pain medication system, and spent a lot of time pressing the button. She was hurting. She was also very anxious. Her biggest fear was that something would go wrong and the kidney would not work, that her sacrifice and effort would have been in vain.

Her parents and mine both had to leave, they could not stay with her any longer, they had to return home, to jobs and other children and other responsibilities. Her Aunt and Uncle returned to the OR waiting room to wait for word of their son. I was entrusted with her care, a job I took eagerly. If only I could find a way to give to her what she has given to others.

Several hours later, the surgeon came in, with her Aunt and Uncle, he was smiling and they were in tears. The operation was successful, beyond all expectation. They had been prepared to force the kidney to operation, jump start it in effect. But as it was hooked up, it began to work on its own, his bladder began to fill, and the catheter began to collect urine. Now it is just a matter of preventing rejection, and with drugs that can be managed.

I was in tears with the rest of them. All the work, the emotional stress, the pain was worth it. A man who had been facing a slow death was given a reprieve, a second chance to live. This angel, who came forward and made a sacrifice that many of us would back down from in fear and gave him back his life. Her Aunt and Uncle are treating her like royalty now. The keep saying that all she has to do is ask if she needs anything. She keeps telling them that there is no debt, nothing is owed to her.

This is love. This is what a truly good person is like. I am the luckiest man in the world to be the one that she wants to marry. There is nothing that I can do to measure up to this, but I am going to spend the rest of my life trying. I just spent another day with her in the hospital, helping her get her strength back, and taking her up to visit with her cousin in the Intensive Care Unit. I spent the last 2 hours just sitting by her side, watching her sleep. All I could think of is how much I love this woman and everything I want to give her. I hope to give her the life she wants, and will do whatever I can to help her dreams come true. A woman like this deserves nothing less.

I’ve had some of the cynicism pulled from my mind during all this. I’ve seen something rare and beautiful. I hope I can measure up and be worthy. I’m certainly going to try.