Coping with things through lists….
When I was in the Navy, everyone had their lists, whether it was list of work to be done, list of people to hate on, list of places they visited…. it didn’t matter. By far the most popular was the “List of reasons to get out”. I had mine, (as I recall it was up to about 160 or so, I’ll have to try to dig it out), and we managed to come up with some others. This is one that circulates from time to time, and was just forwarded to me from an old Navy Buddy.
The Top 100 Reasons McDonald’s is better than Submarines
1) No McORSE
2) If you have to take a piss, you can go take a piss. No questions asked.
3) You’ll never have to go port and starboard on the fryer.
4) Better pay.
5) The Damn sun.
6) Air.
7) The boxes of food at McDonald’s aren’t stamped “Rejected by Hardee’s” or “Not fit for human consumption”.
8) The ability to call in sick.
9) The ability to quit.
10) McDonald’s doesn’t get their uniforms from the same company as the state penitentiary
11) McDonald’s doesn’t deploy.
12) They have actual janitors.
13) No McDrills.
14) The grill breaks, you CALL someone to fix it.
15) At least your boss accepts that he’s a clown.
16) No McResin Discharge.
17) No all night hydro on the fryer.
18) One word: overtime.
19) Every day is slider day!
20) At McDonald’s, you will never, EVER, worry about being put in
prison for ten years because you told your wife what the secret
sauce is.
21) They pay you for training.
22) You’ll never die a horrible, excruciating death from the crush
depth implosion of a McDonald’s.
23) No steam piping.
24) No time at McDonald’s will you hear your boss give a thirty
minute dissertation over the P.A. on the importance of being
at the register 15 minutes early.
25) They won’t ask you about Taco Bell operations on the
advancement test.
26) You get to leave work EVERY day at the end.
27) McDonald’s will eventually fire the really stupid employees.
28) two words: Happy Meals.
29) McDonald’s doesn’t look like a big black turd.
30) Grimace don’t do Vulcan Death Watches.
31) McDonald’s has a slide out back.
32) To do something at McDonald’s, you look at the color coded chart, not
OP
umpty-squat,chapter
whatever, reference 3, ACN B, rev 1700.
33) If McDonald’s catches fire, you LEAVE.
34) No McSmall Valve Maintenance.
35) No McCOB.
36) Leaving McDonald’s in an emergency doesn’t require a steinke
hood and a lot of praying.
37) The coffee’s better.
38) Someone else makes the water.
39) You don’t have to live there to work there.
40) The only cones come from the ice cream machine.
41) McDonald’s doesn’t go into drydock. (again and again)
42) ALL the tests are multiple choice.
43) Their TV commercials are a lot cooler.
44) Three words: Sea Foam Green.
45) Stock in McDonald’s is worth something. The Nav is a part of
an operation that is 6 trillion dollars in the hole.
46) Special sauce isn’t “hand made”.
47) No McBilges to clean.
48) Opening for business doesn’t require a full day of
preparations and everyone to show up for a brief at 0230.
49) Three words: Stupid ass hats.
50) Personnel inspection requirements are written on the door.
(No shirt, no shoes, no service)
51) At McDonald’s, dislocating your shoulder is not considered
getting the good deal.
52) McDonald’s never had an accident that cause a person to be
stuck to the ceiling impaled on a french fry. (ie. No Mc-SL1)
53) Because you deserve a break today.
54) Even the little Hamburglar is cooler than a goat.
55) Mayor McCheese doesn’t wield a righteous thumb of
indignation.
56) You can choose which McDonald’s you want to work at.
57) If you want to buy your boss a beer, that’s okay.
58) If you want to tell your boss to fuck off and just die
fucking die, that’s okay too.
59) There is no Uniform Code of McDonald’s Justice to deal with.
60) The news comes from USA Today, not Ric Crawford, GS-12.
61) No one will rack you out at 2 in the morning to start the
grill.
62) Chances of you getting called back after you get off work are
pretty damn slim.
63) Putting the pickle on the hamburger doesn’t require an QA-34
and a signature to be used against you in a court of law,
should they want you.
64) The only guy in a silly yellow suit is Ronald.
65) How many McDonald’s were sunk in W.W.II?
66) Fixing the register doesn’t require a rubber room and a rope
man.
67) Nothing on the menu contains the phrases, “Horse cock” or
“baboon ass”.
68) At McDonald’s, the riders would have to leave at closing
time.
69) $2.99 is a meal price, not a daily wage at McDonald’s.
70) You don’t have to go single register operations if someone
spills a Coke.
71) McDonald’s doesn’t require a 24 hour Shutdown Register
Operator and McRoving Watch.
72) McDonald’s doesn’t call your house at 5:30 in the morning
blaring some god-awful antiquated song about a bugler just to
wake you up.
73) No McRadcon.
74) At McDonald’s, your boss will never make you drive him around
for two and a half months so he can spy on Wendy’s.
75) You will never be locked in for 24 hours pretending to
operate everything. (i.e. no McFastcruise)
75.5) You don’t have to come in to work at 7:00 only to wait
around for three hours waiting for your boss to tell you things you
already know.
76) At McDonald’s you will never hear, “Shake machine
troubleshooting team, and all off watch drinkmakers, lay aft.”
77) No McGMT, McEngDep, and McDivision training.
78) At McDonald’s you don’t have to route a 1250 for a new stack
of cups.
79) If you burn a hamburger they won’t take away half a month’s
pay for two months and restrict you to the playground.
80) Knowledge of the material of construction and variable
operating characteristics of the grill are not prerequisites for
operation.
81) You don’t have to take apart the shake machine once a quarter
just because.
82) You don’t have to share your bed with two coworkers.
83) You don’t have to shave off your goatee when the district
manager comes.
84) At McDonald’s, when the toilet clogs, you don’t rig
pressurized air to the shitter.
85) You don’t have to shut everything off and call in the last
shift to start the grill.
86) Early in the morning, you don’t cycle the drink machine on
and off just for practice.
87) You scrub the floors because it’s dirty, not because it’s
Wednesday.
88) There is almost always plenty of parking. If not, drive
through.
89) Don’t like what you got? Take it back.
90) You don’t have to take a turbidity prior to putting a new
catsup dispenser on service.
91) Failure of the warming oven door to open is not a panic
causing event. It will also not preclude you from starting another
fryer or pulling the fries out of the vat due to interlock.
92) No Mc-HPACs.
93) No one hates it so bad they refer to it simply as “The Mac”.
94) No 16 hour days at McDonald’s prototype making burgers in the
middle of the desert for no one.
95) If you wipe up a catsup spill at McDonald’s, you don’t have
to let it dry before you throw it away.
96) They won’t secure one of the register operators to keep track
of the people going into Burger King.
97) You don’t have to have permission from the Manager, Assistant
Manager, and Register Operator before going into the
freezer.
98) At McDonald’s, the toilet paper stays in the bathroom, not on
the dinner table.
99) You don’t have to completely undress to pinch a loaf.
100) ALL of the articles of the Constitution apply to you at
McDonald’s.
